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I am not fat! I'm just so sexy it's overflowing.

When I was little, if you ran UP the slide and made it, you were so cool.

I have a Japanese friend named 'Fuk Yu'

Sleep is my drug, my bed is the dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.

Yes, I'm late. Got attacked by a wild Pokémon in the high grass...

Downloading 97%....98%.....99%..... *download fail* KILL ME NOW!

Boyfriend: What would you do if I got you into my bed? Girlfriend: Is it comfortable? Boyfriend: Yes ;) Girlfriend: I'd sleep

Two cows are standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, "Moo." The other one says "I was just about to say that!"

I bet that underneath those clothes she is naked , the sl*t

" Why is everyone going to bed? It's only ....... Oh "

See a bug outside: "Hello Mr. Bug". See a bug in your house: "DIE BITCH, DIE"

When someone tells me to hurry up and finally when I'm ready.... They aren't

In facebook WTF means Welcome To Facebook. while in Tumblr WTF means ; Where's The Food?

When my friend isn't present at school ; 5% - I hope she's okay. 95% - HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!

Seeing a graffiti on the side of a building and thinking ; " how the heck did they get up there ?! "

Mom, can I... "NO."

Don't mess with me! I've got a banana & I'm not afraid to use it!

Laughing so hard that you feel a sixpack coming

Deleting everything you've typed 'cause you saw the other person was typing -

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When the teacher says; stop clicking your pens, you always make sure you click it once more.

"Should I say it?" "I'm gonna say it." "I said it." "I shouldn't have said that."

Dude, I said you could borrow my pen, NOT EAT IT

"What if there was no Google?" "I don't know, google it!"

We have a lot of memories together, they're all hilarious!

I swear my pillow is a hairstylist, I always wake up with a new hairstyle

WARNING! aliens are coming to abduct all the really gorgeous looking people. You are safe!

Who said Cinderella was a fairytale? Every bitch can loose her shoe. -.-'

I love cats... They taste just like chicken.

Damn.. You're right.. I'm good in bed.. I can sleep all day.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

*...red hot chilli pampers...*

*~*((L)) If I were you, I will never let me go ((L))*~*

My fantasy.. 2 men... 1 cooking, 1 cleaning..!!

it's only funny until someone gets hurt ......... then it's hilarious!!!!!

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes- damn I'm good at telling lies

Roses are red, rabbits are blue,This schould explain... how much I love you!

Don't drink water, fish f*ck in it.

If I was a dog and u were a flower, I walked over u, and give u a shower