codeYou have to sit by the side of a river a very long time before a roast duck will fly into your mouth

You have to sit by the side of a river a very long time before a roast duck will fly into your mouth

codeDear guys, being a dick doesn't make yours bigger

Dear guys, being a dick doesn't make yours bigger

codeSex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

codeWe call our language the mother tongue because our father seldom gots to speak

We call our language the mother tongue because our father seldom gots to speak

codeDear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you

Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you

codeOpen a pack of gum, and suddenly everyone is your bestfriend.

Open a pack of gum, and suddenly everyone is your bestfriend.

codeGoogle is the brain I never had

Google is the brain I never had

codeBoys are like lava lamps; fun to look at, but not all that bright

Boys are like lava lamps; fun to look at, but not all that bright

codeGirls are superheroes. Who else could bleed for a week without dying..

Girls are superheroes. Who else could bleed for a week without dying..

codeI'm confused! ... Wait! No! Maybe I'm not.

I'm confused! ... Wait! No! Maybe I'm not.

codeI would prove I'm a wizard, but I can't use magic outside of Hogwarts, sorry.

I would prove I'm a wizard, but I can't use magic outside of Hogwarts, sorry.

codeI'm Not Lazy.... I Just Rest Before I Get Tired!

I'm Not Lazy.... I Just Rest Before I Get Tired! :p

codeLadies First Is Just A Nice Way Of Saying: Let Me Take A Look At Your Ass While You Walk In Front Of Me!

Ladies First Is Just A Nice Way Of Saying: Let Me Take A Look At Your Ass While You Walk In Front Of Me!:p

code Keep Your Drink, Just Give Me The Money

Keep Your Drink, Just Give Me The Money

code*Rihanna in 2008* "I don't wanna be a murderer" *Rihanna in 2011* "I just shot a man down.."

*Rihanna in 2008* "I don't wanna be a murderer" *Rihanna in 2011* "I just shot a man down.."

codeHate Monday • Annoy Tuesday • Ignore Wednesday • Smile Thursday • Love Friday • Enjoy Saturday • Damn Sunday

Hate Monday • Annoy Tuesday • Ignore Wednesday • Smile Thursday • Love Friday • Enjoy Saturday • Damn Sunday

code3 words, 8 letters. Say it and I'm yours. "I got food."

3 words, 8 letters. Say it and I'm yours. "I got food."

codeFake tan, fake nails, fake boobs... Girl, are you sure you aren't made in China? ||

Fake tan, fake nails, fake boobs... Girl, are you sure you aren't made in China? ||

codeHey, I found your nose. It was in my business again-

Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again-

codeI hate it when you walk outside and a girafe kicks you in the balls

I hate it when you walk outside and a girafe kicks you in the balls

codeThe nervous feeling you get when you press the send button on a risky text.

The nervous feeling you get when you press the send button on a risky text.

codeI am not fat! I'm just so sexy it's overflowing.

I am not fat! I'm just so sexy it's overflowing.

codeWhen I was little, if you ran UP the slide and made it, you were so cool.

When I was little, if you ran UP the slide and made it, you were so cool.

codeI have a Japanese friend named 'Fuk Yu'

I have a Japanese friend named 'Fuk Yu'

codeSleep is my drug, my bed is the dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.

Sleep is my drug, my bed is the dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.

codeYes, I'm late. Got attacked by a wild Pokémon in the high grass...

Yes, I'm late. Got attacked by a wild Pokémon in the high grass...

codeDownloading 97%....98%.....99%..... *download fail* KILL ME NOW!

Downloading 97%....98%.....99%..... *download fail* KILL ME NOW!

codeBoyfriend: What would you do if I got you into my bed? Girlfriend: Is it comfortable? Boyfriend: Yes Girlfriend: I'd sleep

Boyfriend: What would you do if I got you into my bed? Girlfriend: Is it comfortable? Boyfriend: Yes ;) Girlfriend: I'd sleep

codeTwo cows are standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, "Moo." The other one says "I was just about to say that!"

Two cows are standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, "Moo." The other one says "I was just about to say that!"

codeI bet that underneath those clothes she is naked , the sl*t

I bet that underneath those clothes she is naked , the sl*t

code" Why is everyone going to bed? It's only ....... Oh "

" Why is everyone going to bed? It's only ....... Oh "

codeSee a bug outside: "Hello Mr. Bug". See a bug in your house: "DIE BITCH, DIE"

See a bug outside: "Hello Mr. Bug". See a bug in your house: "DIE BITCH, DIE"

codeWhen someone tells me to hurry up and finally when I'm ready.... They aren't

When someone tells me to hurry up and finally when I'm ready.... They aren't

codeIn facebook WTF means Welcome To Facebook. while in Tumblr WTF means ; Where's The Food?

In facebook WTF means Welcome To Facebook. while in Tumblr WTF means ; Where's The Food?

codeWhen my friend isn't present at school ; 5% - I hope she's okay. 95% - HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!

When my friend isn't present at school ; 5% - I hope she's okay. 95% - HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!

codeSeeing a graffiti on the side of a building and thinking ; " how the heck did they get up there ?! "

Seeing a graffiti on the side of a building and thinking ; " how the heck did they get up there ?! "

codeMom, can I... "NO."

Mom, can I... "NO."

codeDon't mess with me! I've got a banana & I'm not afraid to use it!

Don't mess with me! I've got a banana & I'm not afraid to use it!

codeLaughing so hard that you feel a sixpack coming

Laughing so hard that you feel a sixpack coming

codeDeleting everything you've typed 'cause you saw the other person was typing -

Deleting everything you've typed 'cause you saw the other person was typing -